This past weekend the Harris 4 drove up to Atlanta to catch up with a close friend of my husband’s. We will call him Uncle A. Uncle A was in town for a wedding. Since my mom lives in Atlanta we thought it would be a perfect combo trip. Hubby gets some bro-man time with a friend. Kids get to spend time with the grands. Great.
Uncle A is single…by choice, in my opinion. He could settle down if he really wanted to. Never married. No kids. He was staying with another friend that is also a bachelor. When we made it to the house I was very impressed that, although it was a bachelor pad, it was beautifully decorated. For that reason, I immediately issued the “do not touch anything” warning to both kids. I knew if I could tell how nicely put together everything was that their “must touch everything” sensors were probably registering off the Richter scales.
Katelyn had to use the potty and in typical Kbug fashion she had a million questions. One of them was, did Uncle A have a little girl for her to play with? We explained that he did not have any kids. She screwed up her face in disapproval. We exited the bathroom and joined everyone in the kitchen. At that point, she asked Dad but loud enough to include everyone (her inside voice has been MIA since 2014) whether Uncle A had a wife. Dad explained that he was not married. She quickly responded, “everybody has a wife daddy.” Her body language and facial expression told me a “duh” with an exclamation point was on the end of that sentence as she walked away to find something shiny she shouldn’t touch. All of the adults cracked up laughing.
I realized two things in that quick sequence of events:
- My oldest child has ZERO filter in much the same way that my 85 year old grandfather gives ZERO cares about the thoughts he willingly expresses aloud. Everything comes full circle I suppose.
- My children are growing up with a very different perspective of love and marriage in comparison to me at their age. My daughter’s norm for a family is a husband and a wife with children in tow. Growing up in a single parent home, I did not see many examples of marriages or functional relationships in general, if I’m completely honest. My parents divorced at such a young age that I can’t even recall any interactions they had beside a drop-off/exchange of me for a weekend visit and those were infrequent. My grandparents married and remarried (each other) at least three or four times. My best reference point for marriage was probably The Cosbys and an aunt and uncle that are still married today. It just goes to show you that as parents we really do shape our children’s perspectives and attitudes. I try not to take that responsibility for granted. Our little people will one day grow up and go out into the world on their own and I want to pour so much love into them that they have no choice but to spread love to others.
Although I was a bit embarrassed by her comment, it makes me happy to think that she views the love and partnership me and hubby have as the expectation of what everyone should have. As we approach our 6th wedding anniversary, I can do nothing but believe we’re doing alright after all. Sometimes you need those small reminders even if they are from a 5 year old.
As usual your blog is amazing! You are right on point with reminding us of how much of an impact we have on our LO. As often as we remind fathers the role they play in teaching daughter’s how to love and be loved as mom’s and as a family we are shaping the views and expectations of our children. Kudos to you!
Thanks for visiting and reading! We have BIG jobs for sure! And they are watching! Appreciate you.
This was touching and sad all at once to me. With my husband working nights we rarely get that interaction with one another. Our LO is 9 months and I keep stressing the importance of family time when we do have those days together so that she she’s and appreciates having a loving family. He believes I’m comparing him to something or other families when in actuality I want my daughter to grow up similar to yours thinking this is normal instead of the opposite. In today’s society we have to strive to set these examples more than ever. Good job mama (and dad) on being that example. It’s early for us but we’ll get there. Thanks for the inspiration!
I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to comment! You all definitely have time to get there. And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share with you that every other week my husband works 12hr shifts for a full 7 days. I share that so you know that you can still achieve the balance that gives the kids quality time despite the hectic schedule. Continue to emphasize family time. As she grows he will find her more “fun” too because she will be more interactive. And I’m sure she will be more vocal about spending time with him as well! All the best to you!